HOW TO HANDLE HURTS OF LIFE
Text: Job 6: 2-3, “Oh that my grief were throughly weighed, and my calamity laid in the balances together! For now it would be heavier than the sand of the sea: therefore my words are swallowed up”. “I my troubles and grief were on a scale they would weigh more than the sands of the sea” (Job 6:1-3). Introductory Remarks:
Job is contemplating about his hurts of life. He is comparing his troubles with the sands of the sea being weighed on a scale. He has a life filled with bitterness. Looking at Job’s life can give us some clues on how to handle deep impeded resentments that have hindered progress in our life. Causes of Resentment:
1, What people say about us
2. What people might be thinking about us
3. What people do to us
The first cause of resentment starts with what people say about us. Job 12:5 puts it like this, “Those who are at ease have contempt for misfortune as the fate of those whose feet are slipping”. Job sees it as people hitting a man that is about to fall. The whole book of Job records hurtful things that his friends are saying about him.
The things people say about us do hurt us. Maybe you can still remember some of the hurtful things in your childhood. Many times, even parents might have made remarks that left a scar on your sensitive emotions. Thoughtless words can wound us just as deeply as if a sword had pierced our very soul. Not only were Job’s friends saying hurtful words to him they were mocking and laughing at him. Sometimes this happens to us and the so called friends expect the one being tormented to push it off as a joke.
The second cause of resentment could be what people think about us. People can hurt us without saying a word. We get a lot of nonverbal messages, body language, facial expression etc. Have you ever been around someone who, although they have said nothing, you get the feeling that they consider you worthless? Job experienced this. He said, “You think you are better than I am and regard my troubles as proof of my guilt”. Job is getting the impression that his friends count him as worthless. A simple way to hurt people is just to ignore them. If people don’t acknowledge that you exist. That is hurtful. We all have a basic need to be appreciated.
When you are trying to please somebody but they reject you. That can leave wounds and scars deep into ones being. Sometimes this happens in our childhood and sometimes it can repeat itself in our adulthood. Have you ever felt that your best was not good enough. That can leave a deep anger or resentment in ones soul.
The third thing that can leave a hurt is what people do to us. Job 19:19 states it like this, “My closest friends look at me with disgust; those I loved most have turned against me”. These were close friends of Jobs. They were the ones that Job loved most. One of the things that makes resentment so painful is that the people we are angry at are the people we are trying to love. We don’t get bitter against strangers. They are not close enough to hurt us. The people that can impact us the most are the ones we love. That is one of the reasons that resentment is most common in families.
Consequences of Resentment:
1. Resentment is not reasonable
2. Resentment is not helpful
3. Resentment is not healthy
You might say to yourself, ” This is unreasonable, it doesn’t make any sense”. Resentment is foolish. It is foolish to hold a grudge. Resentment will waste your energy. Ecclesiastes 7:9 says it lit this in the NLV, “It’s foolish to harbor a grudge”. Why is resentment foolish? Because resentment will never change the past or correct the problem. Relationships can never be restored as long as one holds a grudge. When we think that we are hurting the one that has caused us to be bitter. Not so, when we hold bitterness and resentment in our heart We are only hurting ourselves.I am tired of living. Listen to my bitter complaint.sentment in our heart, we are only hurting ourselves. There is no peace in our soul and many times we cannot sleep at night because a peace is absent.
The second consequence of resentment is the fact that relationships will never be resolved. The person you are angry with may not know the reason you are so upset. They may be totally unaware of the reason for your negative mood. Your friend or family member may be having a great time in life being unaware that you are still holding a grudge from the past. When you are resenting people, you are blaming them. You are using blame as a crutch for how you feel. Now that is not being a help to resolving that angry feeling inside of your being. It is like a fire burning inside of you and to put it out you blame the other person. Job learned this when he states in Job 18:4, You are only hurting yourself with your anger. Will the earth be deserted because you are angry? Will God move mountains to satisfy you? (GNB)
The third consequence of resentment – not healthy. Job 21:23-25, “Some people stay healthy till the day they die; they die happy and at ease, their bodies well-nourished. Others have no happiness at all; they live and die with bitter hearts”. (GNB) Resentment can be like a cancer that will eat away the flesh until it is destroyed. It is time to put the fire of God’s Holy Spirit on the sin by confessing that this resentment is sin. Then God will be free to help you deal with it. The fire you kindle for your enemy often burns yourself more than him or her. Doctors have discovered there is a strong relationship between the emotional and physical health of your life. They tie together. More and more they are realizing that sin and sickness have an impact on each other. They have discovered that resentment is the single most unhealthy emotion you can have. Resentment kills. If you want to be healthy, it’s not just what you eat, it’s what eats you! What’s eating you? Resentment will eat you alive. It’s like a cancer in your system.
Cure for Resentment:
1. Reveal your hurt
2. Forgive your offender
3. Refocus
First cure for resentment is to admit your hurt. Be honest. Tell it to God in prayer. Upload your hurts to Him. Tell your Heavenly Father exactly how you feel. This is what Job did. Read Job 7:11, “No! I can’t be quiet! I am angry and bitter. I have to speak” (GNB). Job 10:1, I am tired of living. Listen to my bitter complaint.
When it comes to hurt feelings you have one of three alternatives.
You can repress it and push it down to a so called buriel ground within you subconscious. If you do this it will come out one way or the other –backache, ulcer or whatever is not healthy.
Another alternative is to express it by trying to get even or revenge. You might even try to retaliate.
The third alternative is to confess it. Admit it to God like Job did.
David decided that was a good way to get his anger out in the open. In Psalm David talked to the Lord. He told God about his situation. If you don’t talk it out you will eventually take it out on someone or something. You will most likely take it out on yourself, your body, your friends or maybe your wife or children.
Job 6:14, “I don’t have the power to help myself. All hope of success has been taken away from me” (NIV).
Secondly, you must forgive your offender. You will never stop hurting until you learn to forgive. Let go and forgive. This is what Job did His friends had badly offended and hurt him. Job 42:10, “After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him successful again. He gave him twice as much as he had before” (NIV). Job prayed for them and released them to God. It is difficult to pray for somebody and dislike them at the same time. But after Job prayed for his friends then God gave Job peace and success.
The third cure for resentment is to refocus your thought patterns. As long as you focus on your hurt that hurt will control your thought patterns. The Scripture tells us that what we think in our heart is what controls us. Philippians 4:8, “Finally, my brothers and sisters, always think about what is true. Think about what is noble, right and pure. Think about what is lovely and worthy of respect. If anything is excellent or worthy of praise, think about those kinds of things” (NIV).
God has a cure for all of our hurts. Believe, trust and obey.
My Prayer Dear Jesus, resentment has entered deep into my spirit. I know that my attitude of resentment is sin. I confess this sin to you and ask you to help me. Deliver me from the very root of this resentment. I forgive my offender and choose to love them and pray that they will grow in your love and grace.